As Oscar Wilde famously said, “The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it!” In so saying, Wilde was expressing the titillating quandary of willful sinners everywhere.
It sounds deliciously wicked – and very familiar to me, and I’m sure, to you.
We’ve all gone through moments when we simply couldn’t resist doing what we knew to be wrong.
But unlike falling for that extra slice of chocolate pecan pie, stealing someone else’s man is a temptation best resisted.
I can – and will – make some simple but truly compelling arguments as to why you shouldn’t steal someone else’s man. That said, if you arrived here via Mr. Google – and you’re still reading this, you’ve probably already made up your mind.
Once You’ve Decided to Steal Him …
Maybe you’ve sensed that he isn’t averse to the idea – the way he looks deep into your eyes when no one is looking. Or maybe his touch is surprisingly frequent.
Or just maybe, you’ve already fallen for him and you’re pretty much beyond caring about anything else!
You can justify what you’re about to do whichever way you want. That’s beside the point now. Now it’s time to act – and to act decisively.
“This isn’t your regular play-with-your-hair-and-giggle-at-his-dumb-jokes flirting,” says the writer and photographer Mindy Strouse for Outside Left. “This kind of flirting will take all the resources and skills you can muster.”
You’ll need to prepare for a fight that gets really ugly, really dirty, really fast.
You’ll probably discover things about yourself you won’t like, but since you are determined to push through, that shouldn’t bother you, either.
Step 1: Know the competition, then know the prey.
First things first. In order to lure this man into your trap, you must first assess and familiarize yourself with the competition.
You need to get to know his girlfriend. Then you need to learn all about him through her. If it that sounds like a dirty, despicable move, that’s because it is.
Talk to her. Get to know her. Make an honest inventory of her good and bad traits, then match the good ones. If she wears miniskirts, push-up bras, and high-heels, you start wearing miniskirts, push-up bras, and high-heels, too. If she’s a good cook, learn to be a great one.
Don’t think that you’ll snag him by being the opposite of his girlfriend. He’s with her precisely because she has qualities he likes in a woman. He probably doesn’t want someone who is the total reverse of his current partner.
In fact, in one 2011 study, researchers found that people rated opposite-sex faces more attractive when they closely resembled their current or most recent partners.
Step 2: Get rid of his conscience.
If this man is as fantastic as you think, then chances are he has something like a conscience.
That’s not good – well, at least, not for you.
While he may have already shown signs that he’s attracted to you, that doesn’t mean he’s prepared to do something about it.
Your first priority is to relieve him of as much of guilt as possible. One way to do this is to pretend you’re in a relationship, as well.
However, you must make it clear to him that you are in a bad relationship. Your boyfriend mistreats you. He doesn’t respect you and he cheats on you.
The point here is to trigger your prey’s protective instincts. A study undertaken by post-doctoral students at New York University shows that people – men, especially – are hard-wired to protect women.
The relationship expert, James Bauer, calls it the male “hero instinct,” and quite convincingly claims that all men have it.
Use that masculine predisposition to your advantage. This doesn’t mean you need to come across as weak. While you may not need a hero, you want to allow him the opportunity to feel like one.
You need him to want to be everything your imaginary boyfriend is not. Do this right and you’ll both be ready to move on to the next step.
Step 3: Look good when you’re around him.
Men are visual, and their brains have evolved to objectify women. That sounds utterly disgusting, but science will back me up. Practically all the scientific literature studying men’s arousal patterns repeatedly emphasize their sensitivity to erotic visual cues.
“Exposure to such erotic stimuli immediately activates the parts of their brain related to getting an erection,” says psychologist Leon Seltzer of Queens College and Cleveland State University.
Men have difficulty overriding that part of their anatomical circuitry. The fact is, the sexual motivation pathways in the male brain have more connections to the subcortical reward system than the female brain.
Simply put, they can’t help themselves. When it comes to women, they do often think with their eyes and that organ between their legs.
That means you need to look your best and most inviting when you’re around him. Be sexy. Be available. That’s basic. Keep your shoulders back, chin up, and make eye contact. Look deep into his eyes when you speak to him.
Be poised and quietly confident, too. Try to feel good about yourself, despite your – how shall we put it? – less than honorable intentions.
Remember, what you wear underneath that miniskirt and blouse matter just as much. Wear the sexiest pieces of lingerie in your secret drawer. He won’t get to see them yet but he’ll certainly notice that sassy skip in your step.
You will need to adjust your speech patterns around his. Incorporate some of his more subtle verbal mannerisms into yours.
Don’t overdo it. He might take that for mockery. Instead, take note of his pauses and pace, his expressions, and try to slip them into your own manner of speaking.
Step 4: Speak like him.
Recent studies have found that subtly mimicking the verbal and nonverbal behavior of people enhances their readiness to like you. This behavioral tic is particularly true of men.
Gathering data from speed dating events, scientists have found that men reacted more positively to women who mimicked them.
“Mimicry appears to influence perceptions of physical attributes in addition to personal and social attributes,” says psychologist Nicolas Gueguen of Université Bretagne Sud.
Step 5: Give him a little nudge in your direction.
Let’s be candid. You don’t need to be a rocket scientist to get a man to want to have sex with you. If he is as smart as you think, he must have already sensed that you are open to an affair by this stage.
But since you’re looking for more than just a fling with this person, you’ll need to turn up your flirting game another notch. You need to touch him as artfully as possible.
“Several research studies have found that touching creates liking and attraction,” says psychologist Jeremy Nicholson. “In other words, when you touch other people, they tend to become more attracted to you.”
Of course, making the contact too overtly sexual may backfire on you. Grabbing him might lead him to think you’re having some kind of mental episode. Smothering him with your boobs may get you laid – but it’s unlikely to land you a boyfriend. No, what you need to arrange is the occasional “accidental” or “innocent” contact.
In a crowded room, or when you make your way through a crush of people in a queue, brush your arm against his chest. When you’re at dinner among friends, let your knees graze under the table – just a quick, gentle, seemingly unintentional bump.
If you have done everything right, then he will likely reciprocate. When he does, do not allow yourself to give in to the temptation of becoming more daring with your physical probing.
At this point, you should stop initiating contact altogether. Let the pot simmer. Let him stew in his own confused juices for a while. He’ll eventually come calling.
“Men are natural-born hunters – they like the thrill of the chase,” says author Jordan Christy, who has written extensively about relationships. “It’s why boys like to race cars, bid on worthless eBay junk, and go hunting in the woods.”
Now Here’s Why You Should Think Twice
By now, he wants you. If you’ve gone through the steps outlined above as cleverly and as artfully as you should, he’s salivating. There isn’t much left for you to do. So just sit back and enjoy as he goes for the bait. You’ve already made your move. Now it’s time to let him make his.
You should, however, take note of a few things at this point. People in relationships where one partner stole the other from someone else are “less committed, less satisfied, and less invested.” That’s according to a study published in the Journal of Research in Personality.
Moreover, the study found that people who allowed themselves to be stolen were often narcissistic and generally less concerned for the well-being of others. That makes sense. He did hurt the woman who trusted him, right?
That doesn’t sound like a man worthy of stealing in the first place, does it?
And, of course, with al the changes you have made to attract him to you, are you still ‘you’?
You can’t say we did warn you.
What’s your story? Have you been the predator or the prey? Why not share your experiences with us?
