Two may be company but it seems three is the preferred number! In fact, of all the wicked, raunchy, debauched and just plain exciting sexual fantasies that swirl inside the human mind, threesomes top the list!
Some 95 percent of men and 87 percent of women aged 18 to 87 admit they have fantasized about sex with multiple partners. And more than a few have acted on their steamy reveries, says Kinsey Institute sex researcher Justin Lehmiller.
Studies in the US and Canada have established that about one person in every five has engaged in group sex of some form. That makes threesomes and other forms of group sex just a bit less common than owning a cat!
Why Threesomes Go Awry
Quite tellingly, however, Lehmiller’s research also reveals that threesomes are the fantasy that is least likely to turn out well.
“Most people don’t have a script for how a threesome should go,” says Lehmiller. “It’s very easy to think, ‘This sounds like a great idea,’ but the reality is often very different from the way we picture it in our heads.”
If you’ve made the decision to invite a third person into bed with your steady partner, you might think the hardest part is over. It’s not.
Deciding to carry out the deed barely touches beginning of the process. That is especially true in the thick of a raging pandemic. Below are a few things to keep in mind before you go ahead and party with a third body in the bedroom…
Saying What You Want Isn’t Always Easy
For many, actually telling a steady partner that they want a threesome is the most difficult step.
Sex educator Reid Mihalko says many people are unable to fulfill their fantasies because they are too shy, too timid, to voice what they want. His advice is to talk and be honest and open about it as you would any other issue in a relationship.
But try to gauge your partner’s comfort level with the idea of a threesome before you suggest it outright. These are uncertain times at best. Your partner may not feel comfortable sharing your bed with anyone else with a highly contagious virus floating around.
If so, don’t force the issue. You might be better off raising the subject again when the pandemic is over.
“You could broach this topic, the same way you bring up other potential sensitive topics – with a spirit of inquisitiveness, curiosity, vulnerability, and openness,” says relationship expert Courtney Cleman. “The point is to approach as discussion rather than ‘informing’ or ‘telling’ your partner.”
Establishing the Rules
If you two have agreed to a ménage-a-trois, set the ground rules at the very outset. Be open and honest about everything. Obviously, threesomes can increase the fun, but there are things you and your partner should consider first.
First off, there is bound to be some awkwardness.
You are all going to try to sexually please two people, after all. And each of you will want some pleasure, as well.
Not only will there will be more body parts in bed, but there will be more health risks and personalities involved.
“Avoiding jealousy and other negative feelings that could arise after a threesome requires a higher degree of transparency and communication than a monogamous arrangement,” says Cleman. “Couples should consider doing soul-searching around if they are capable of complete openness before contemplating a threesome.”
Looking for a Third Party
Once you’ve established the ground rules, it’s time to look for that third person.
Whether you’re looking for someone online or off, it’s probably better to avoid friends and former lovers, says psychologist Paul Joannides.
“There is no need to revisit lingering wounds from previous relationships – or to make things permanently awkward with a mutual friend.”
Sex with strangers?
The risk of jealously, insecurity or other unwanted emotions is going to be a lot lower when the third person is outside of your social circle. And, since sex with a stranger is another very common fantasy, bringing in an ‘outsider’ will probably add to the excitement!
Fortunately, we live in a time when there is an app for just about everything. In a recent report, researchers for the app 3Fun suggested that interest in group sex has seen a significant spike amid the pandemic.
Researchers tracked a steady increase in conversations among the app’s more than 700,0000 active users throughout the months of April, May and June.
But 3Fun spokesperson Jennifer White says people are probably holding off their actual engagements until after the pandemic. That’s something you may want to consider, as well.
“Social distancing makes offline meetings tough … That means most open-minded people are trying to meet new friends online during the pandemic,” White said in a statement. “Once the pandemic is over, they will finally meet offline for the first time and live out their fantasies together.”
Skin Hunger
Psychologists call it skin hunger. That overwhelming urge you feel to connect with others – whether through a simple hug or an all-out sex festival – is in itself an epidemic.
So much so that, in the early stages of the outbreak, the Dutch government advised single citizens to lock down with a dedicated sex buddy.
More recently, the British Columbia Centre For Disease Control, realizing that “sex can be very important for mental, social, and physical well-being” elicited snickers when it suggested barrier protection of an entirely new kind.
The agency actually advised people to use glory holes for sex to avoid face-to-face contact!
Not to be outdone, the New York City Department of Health proposed something similar in June.
Ensuring Your Health and Safety
Even in the best of times, threesomes can be messy, complicated, and clumsy.
Obviously, sex with a stranger is a very good reason to practice ‘safe sex’. But, to that we now have to add mask-wearing directives, social distancing, and the very reasonable fear of a potentially deadly virus for which there is currently no cure.
Make no mistake, meeting up in person – and physical contact of any kind – will require some uncomfortably candid conversations.
But hey! If that threesome is on your bucket list and the opportunity arises, we say ‘go for it’.
That said, if you have any reason at all to doubt anyone’s health, get tested before you all jump into bed together. That’s just common sense.
What say? Are you a threesome kind of girl or guy. Why not tell us your story!
