Think about it. When was the last time you experienced a fierce, carnal throb prickle your loins and travel through you like a jolt of electricity? When did you last experience an intense, achingly sweet, gnawing desire for someone?
For most people, erotic musings prompt physical indications of excitement and anticipation. Lingering on these thoughts might even lead to masturbation – an altogether normal, healthy response, of course.
For others, however, this is simply not the case. In fact, if you’re dealing with sexual repression, even the word “sex” could trigger embarrassment or shame.
When people believe that their sexual desires are unusual, weird, or atypical, they tend to repress them. That’s just human nature.
Repressed people keep their desires to themselves – with perhaps Google or their god being the only other entities in the know. That isn’t healthy.
Many people live with overt and undeniable sexual repression. If you grew up in a highly conservative or religious environment, it just might be that you hold some distorted ideals about sex and sexuality.
The same may be true for people who have undergone sexual trauma.
The Consequences of Sexual Repression
Denied food or freedom, we can expect people to lash out in more or less predictable ways. While we cannot always say the same when sexuality is thwarted, psychologists and researchers say a few indicators might prove telling.
“Sigmund Freud, one of the first to explore and write about the idea of sexual repression, cautioned that repressing sexual urges could have unwanted consequences,” say Chicago-based sex therapist Jennifer Litner and writer Crystal Raypole in an article for Healthline.
Some of these effects can have far-reaching implications for your emotional and physical well-being. Below are some of the most common symptoms of sexual repression.
1. Chronic pain and insomnia
The tension within your body may manifest itself as chronic neck, shoulder, hip or back pain. You may also suffer from chronic fatigue precisely because you are tense.
Despite exhaustion, however, people who are sexually repressed sometimes have trouble sleeping, as well.
The suppression of sexual desire means that we carry an excess of stifled energy. That energy eventually stagnates, sometimes turning into tension, insomnia, and nagging pain or discomfort.
2. Nervousness and irritability
Stagnant, repressed energy might also produce feelings of anxiousness and nervous irritability. You are not so much restless, or bored, as trying to ward off desire by submitting your smallest thoughts through a kind of subconscious sieve.
That’s not an easy – or pleasant – way to live.
When not channeled properly, sexual energy can overload our bodies, making it difficult to stay grounded. Physicians in the Victorian era referred to this as “hysteria,” a condition made manifest in erratic and exaggerated emotions.
3. Aggression
Sexual repression may at times result in aggression. In some cases, this might manifest itself in belligerence, rage, and even violence.
Some of the clearest examples may be seen in ultra-religious countries where cases of rape, assault, and murder are frequent.
In your own life, aggression may make itself apparent in other ways, such as when you become overly judgmental, argumentative, or short-tempered.
Often, too, you’ll direct your aggression toward people who have freer, more relaxed views about sex.
“When you begin associating sex with negative emotions from an early age, you could end up with some negative views toward people who freely express their sexuality,” say Litner and Raypole.
4. Erotic Dreams and Feelings of Guilt
If you’re having dreams about sex or intimate contact with a person who isn’t your partner, it is possible that you are sexually repressed.
The more sexually repressed you are, the more prevalent and perverse your dreams will be.
Now, having naughty dreams about your sexy co-worker isn’t necessarily a bad thing. But if your upbringing has made such feelings taboo, you will most likely feel dirty, flawed, and hopelessly guilty.
These feelings might make matters even more difficult for you by intensifying all other symptoms of repression you are experiencing.
5. Nightmares
History is replete with stories that involve the appearance of spirits and demons in the dreams of people who are sexually repressed. One of the most infamous cases being that of the Ursuline nuns in Loudun, in France, in 1634.
Behavioral experts have argued that, in the minds of the guilt-ridden superstitious and sexually repressed, these so-called demons might represent what is “bad” and “evil” about sex.
Nightmares about demons and spirits thus allow repressed people to escape personal responsibility for their desires. Subconsciously, you’re simply substituting them with the belief that “the devil made you do it.” Sure, yeah, of course he did.
6. A Lack of Interest in Sex
While a lack of interest in sex may not always hint at repression, a sustained and deep-seated disinterest might actually be an indication that you are sexually repressed.
“If you feel ashamed of your sexual thoughts, you might struggle to acknowledge them without guilt,” according to Litner and Raypole. “Sharing these desires with a partner, even someone you love and trust, might seem impossible.”
In other words, repression can make you feel guilty about enjoying sex, so you automatically tamp down on your desires. This can lead to sexual dysfunction and other difficult situations if you happen to be in a relationship.
7. Confused Sexual Boundaries
One of the more serious effects of sexual repression involves a difficulty in recognizing personal boundaries, say Litner and Raypole.
Because of this, you may fail to create and enforce appropriate personal boundaries. That could be a problem for you and for others.
Even when you want to say, “No,” you might be unable to do so. On the other hand, if you believe you’re absolutely entitled to sex, you’ll fail to recognize the importance of consent and other people’s boundaries.
“You might have a hard time grasping what is and isn’t okay when it comes to sex, in your own behavior or the behavior you accept from others,” say Litner and Raypole.
First Steps Toward Dealing with Sexual Repression
Simply having an awareness of the signs of repression and how it affects you can help you take steps toward a remedy. That said, sex positivity can help counter sexual repression.
If you have reason to believe you’re sexually repressed, it’s vitally important that you get more comfortable with the idea of sex as a healthy activity.
“It can also mean familiarizing yourself with sexual expression in books, films, and art,” suggest Litner and Raypole. “There’s always porn – including ethical or independent porn.”
If you aren’t into porn, you might find tamer, more toned-down explicit scenes in books and movies more to your liking. You don’t really have to look for erotica – unless you feel it’s right for you.
Finally, you might consider working with a sex therapist. Some sex therapists specialize in religious-based repression. Others focus on helping people in the LGBTQ+ community.
A quick internet search should help you find a sex therapist in your area. For such an intimate, personal topic, it’s essential that you find a therapist that you trust.
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