The term “cougar” has become a loaded word over the past decade, partly because of the media’s fascination with the dalliances of celebrities like Madonna and Katie Couric.
But beyond the hype, sociologists say the recent erosion of relationship barriers, which isn’t limited to race and gender, actually does appear particularly evident among mature women.
New research shows a demographic shift is being driven by the new choices that women over 35 are making as they redefine the concept of a suitable mate.
“For a long time we’ve been fed this idea that women should look for a man to take care of her, a man that is more educated, has a better job and makes more money,” says Sandra Caron, a professor of family relations and human sexuality at the University of Maine.
“But when you look at adult women today, most are self-sufficient and they don’t have to look for that.”
You’ll find the upshot everywhere. Cougar cruises are setting sail, boomers are gracing steamy print ads, and cougar communities are cropping up online.
How to Become a Real Cougar
There is so much cougar excitement these days that we now even have fake cougars and real cougars. So, what exactly is a cougar, anyway?
In terms of age, a cougar can be defined as a woman in her late thirties or older. She is successful, independent, hot, and ready to meet younger men.
But being a cougar is more about attitude, sass, and boldness than anything else.
If you own it, you’ll more likely pull it off looking sexier and more seductive than you’ve ever been.
Do everything else right and you’ll be on your way to an exhilarating sexual reawakening.
That said, below are five choice tips on how to unleash the sexy, stone-cold cougar purring inside of you.
1. Be independent. Men will want you even more for it.
The allure of the mature woman is rooted in being financially and emotionally independent. These days, a true cougar doesn’t need a man by her side to make her feel whole.
That means, first and foremost, that you should have your own friends, your own hobbies, and your own meaningful career or passion.
The younger men you’ll meet will be used to having young girls who are needy and who try to take up all of their time.
You’ll show them that you’re different. That is, that you don’t really need them. They will want you more for it, according to experts.
“Young men nowadays recognize that older women are adept at diligently juggling so many responsibilities – career, children, housekeeping, fitness, finances, socializing – which makes them intriguing and attractive and a more secure option,” says psychologist and relationship therapist Sam Owen.
2. Update your wardrobe. Go for subtle sensuality, not overt sexuality.
One of the most important things to keep in mind is that you should always dress your age. Sure, you can buy clothes from youth-oriented shops, but choose clothing and shoes that speak to your well-earned sophistication.
Get yourself some sensuous, sexy lingerie, as well. Powerful, sexually attractive cougar women wear the latest fashions and styles even in the bedroom.
“Think Sophia Loren,” says couples-mediator and educator Debra Macleod. “Can you picture her wearing a MILF tee-shirt in her forties? Or sporting sweatpants with the word “juicy” scrawled across her buttocks in glitter?”
You don’t have to shop at the most expensive stores. You just need to find clothes that flatter your body and make you look sexually attractive.
If you have drop-dead gorgeous legs, flaunt them. If you have ample breasts, highlight some deep, soft cleavage. But do remember to aim for subtle sensuality rather than overt sexuality.
3. Embrace your life experiences. You’re sexier because of them.
To be clear, the goal is not to look younger than you really are. Do not attempt to look like someone who could be your daughter.
If you dress like a 20-year old, have your hair cut like a 20-year old, and behave like a 20-year old, you’ll look like an older woman who is trying to look younger.
You shouldn’t try to be eye candy in the same way younger women are. They are in the midst of their springtime.
You’ve had yours and now you’ve come away all the more beautiful for it. Build on that beauty, don’t hide it.
Perhaps more importantly, be genuine and embrace your life’s experiences, including motherhood. Don’t try to play mind games with younger men simply because they lack experience.
“Mind games are very much the environ of the younger girl,” says writer and journalist Gareth Rubin in The Telegraph.
“Past 40, women are utterly upfront about where you’re going very wrong – brutal, certainly, but an easier way to live in so many other respects.”
4. Get into shape. Take pride in your physical appearance.
To be a cougar, you’ll need to look like one. That means you’ll need to take extra care of your body. It’s all right not to want to look like a centerfold, but you should take good enough care of yourself so that you project poise and self-assurance.
Get in shape by eating well and exercising. Do those crunches. Lift those weights. Being fit is a remarkably effective way to build self-confidence. That’s a crucial component of your cougar charm.
“Older women walk in confidence and it shows,” say psychiatrist Dawn Brown and writer Angela McChan in an article for Regain. “The way she talks, listens, and walks screams confidence in every area of her life.”
Choose a good skin care regime for your face and hands, too. If you have not consulted a professional beautician in a while, now would be an excellent time to start – even though you already look smashing.
5. Celebrate your body and yourself. Have a boudoir shoot.
Have a boudoir shoot done. Yes, that’s right – you have every reason to sex it up for the camera. Go ahead and let a professional photographer and make-up artist make you look and feel your sexiest. Take the occasion to remind yourself of how gorgeous you are.
There is a widely held misconception that only young women are attractive enough to do boudoir photography. That’s just flat-out wrong.
If you have been thinking about having a boudoir shoot but have hesitated because you think you’re too old, just go ahead and make that appointment. Boudoir shoots are great for women of all ages.
“Society often seems designed to take away a woman’s ability to feel attractive and sexy as she gets older,” says photographer and social worker Stephanie Lynn.
“Keep your perspective on aging positive and empowering with an invigorating boudoir session.”
Assuming the Right Attitude
Sociologists say women over 35 are faced with the tightest “relationship squeeze.” As a demographic, they have the smallest pool of available and compatible men.
The reason is that, as more and more women have delayed marriage, men have retained a tendency to date and marry younger women.
If you’re setting out to become a cougar, you should know that you’ll be running against many people’s traditional ideas about how a woman your age should behave.
People will likely tease you for going out clubbing instead of staying home. And you are likely to find that women can be crueler than men in that department.
Be ready to shrug it all off. Once you’ve decided to go down the ‘cougar path’, you really won’t have time to dwell on other people’s opinions on what should make you happy, anyway.
Whatever problems you might encounter, try to leave them at the door before you go out. If you’re serious about dating a younger man, you can communicate with him candidly in time. But always try to keep things fun and light when you go out on dates.
This doesn’t mean that you should lie if you’ve just gone through a difficult divorce. Be open about the things you’ve experienced, but reserve the serious discussion for later.
Above all, stand tall and proud of the mature, classy woman that you’ve become. If that younger man is really worth your attention, he’ll appreciate you even more for it.
What’s your story? Are you a cougar or a cougar lover? Why not share your thoughts by reviewing this story?
