There are things that we humans have been doing since the beginning of time. Oral sex is one of them. While it may seem like giving and receiving head only became popular in the 1970s with the movie Deep Throat, the act has a history that dates back thousands of years.
The ill-fated citizens of Pompeii loved oral sex and often used fellatio as a theme for murals and other art. Vātsyāyana, the ancient Indian philosopher who wrote the Kama Sutra, devoted an entire chapter to its techniques.
The French paleontologist, Yves Coppens, takes the blowjob’s history even further back into antiquity. In fact, he suggests that the origins of the blowjob may well predate human civilization. He says that the famous “Lucy” (the first prehistoric woman) probably performed fellatio on her partner some 3.2 million years ago!
Most women enjoy giving head.
Popular as it was in ancient times, the blowjob has become an even bigger favorite today. Recent research shows that the average American male receives oral sex from a female partner around five times a month. Meanwhile, researchers in Australia have found that 93.4 percent of Australian women regularly perform oral sex on their male partners.
Perhaps even more interesting is the fact that most women seem to relish giving blowjobs. A survey commissioned by the Bad Girl’s Bible indicates that 92.6 percent of women enjoy giving head.
When the surveyors asked the women how long a blowjob should last, more than 40 percent of the respondents said, “For as long as my partner wants.”
How do you give a great blowjob?
While taking full control of your partner’s penis can feel empowering, you may have sometimes wondered whether your technique could use improvement. After all, how do you give a good blowjob, anyway?
If you’ve ever asked yourself that question, you’re in luck. Below are six tried-and-tested tips to take your oral sex game to the next level, according to sex therapists.
1. The best blowjobs are given with gusto.
Most sex therapists agree that the first rule for giving a good blowjob is to enjoy what you’re doing. Being completely in control of a man’s pleasure is a powerful feeling. You can make him experience things he’s never felt before.
“There’s a big difference between ‘they do this for me because I like it’ and someone that is actually being turned on by giving oral sex,” says sex therapist Kimberly Resnick Anderson. “If someone is earnest and motivated to please them, that’s 90 percent of it.”
That’s not to say that you should pretend you like doing something if you straight-up don’t. But if you’re considering going down on someone, the best thing you can bring to the party is enthusiasm.
2. Good head requires skillful hands, too!
While a blowjob is primarily an activity of the mouth, make sure to use your hands, as well. Your hands will not only help to increase your partner’s pleasure, they will also be helpful if your jaw starts to feel sore or tired from the job.
If your man’s penis is larger than average, you can keep your mouth in one place while moving your wet hand up and down separately.
“Focus beyond just the penis,” says Anderson. “Some people like nipple stimulation, touching their leg…make it a full-sensory experience, beyond just the pelvic region.” When in doubt, simply cup his balls and gently squeeze. Trust us, that always works.
3. A good blowjob requires spit and a sloppy, wet mouth.
People are surprisingly put off by saliva, the substance that we all carry around in our mouths. This isn’t the case with men who receive oral sex.
While everyone has their own moisture preferences, most men agree that a good blowjob requires a lot of saliva. Don’t go overboard, though. You don’t want your hand slipping all over the place. But remember to do some spitting when the penis begins to feel dry. That said, it’s a good idea to keep a glass of water nearby to prevent dry mouth.
4. Fellatio is a performance art.
In many ways, good head is a form of performance art – so don’t underestimate the visual component of the act. Sexy lingerie works wonders in this department. When it comes to sex, a woman in sexy lingerie is a sex goddess in the flesh. Garter belts, bodystockings, lace, and leather are props you can use to increase your confidence and boost sexual attraction. The sight of a woman in a hot lingerie piece is irresistible to most men.
Wearing sexy lingerie also implies that you’ve thought about your partner’s interests. It’s a clear demonstration that you’re willing to take the time and put in the effort to satisfy his desires and fantasies.
5. Teeth and blowjobs don’t go together!
Teeth and blowjobs don’t go together. But since your teeth are part of your mouth, you should know what to do with them when you are giving head.
“Covering your teeth loosely with your tongue helps you move up and down the shaft,” says Dr. Jenni Skyler, a certified sex therapist and director of the Intimacy Institute. You can also use your lips to avoid canine contact. Simply wrap them around your teeth to avoid an unpleasant scraping.
6. Keep your tongue soft in your mouth.
When giving head, your tongue offers an erotic warmth, texture, and wetness that your man can’t get anywhere else. To make the most of this exquisite sensation, both Anderson and Marin suggest keeping your tongue soft in your mouth.
If your partner is circumcised, use the tip of your tongue to trace the head and frenulum. That is the underside where the penis head meets the shaft. Those two areas are packed with nerve endings, which means you can expect your partner to go wild with lust for you.
You can also use the flat of your tongue to lick from the bottom of the shaft to the tip and then down again. Throw in a few tongue flicks while you’re at it and you’ll have your partner completely under your spell.
Braving the Wildest Frontier of Sex
“There is nothing more feminine than a blowjob,” says the erotic novelist, Chloe Thurlow. “You naked on your knees. Your guy with his hand resting on the back of your head. A really good blowjob confirms some primal nostalgia. It puts the world in balance.”
We could not agree more.
The blowjob is the wildest frontier of sex acts. There are no rules – no maps of any kind. There are only good instincts. For anyone who’s ever wondered how to give a blow job, the only certainty is that it involves putting a penis in your mouth. Beyond that, you can suck, lick, stroke, and grind on that member any which way you and your partner want.
For those who are less experienced in the art of giving head, it may seem like great head is determined by fancy tongue woirk. In truth, however, the secret to giving good head is the same as it is for good sex of any kind. You need to talk about it with your partner.
Ask him what he likes. Do blowjobs cause him to orgasm? Does he like lots of eye contact when you go down on him. How does he want you to use hands? Does he want you to caress or squeeze his nipples? Does he like a little butt play when he’s in your mouth? Does he prefer that you spit or swallow?
Be generous with your questions and be open to direction. Let your man tell you what he likes. If something feels uncomfortable for you, let him know. The important thing is to keep the lines of communication wide open. After all, sex is nothing if it’s not an intimate – and very pleasurable – form of communication.
And so, ladies, be brave and go forth into the wilderness. Give good head and enjoy doing it! And while you’re at it, why not help your lover to become an expert at going down on you?
