Sex has always been an awkward and uneasy subject to raise in normal conversation. For example, try saying ‘I had great sex this morning‘, at the dinner table! But while it may be awkward at the dinner table – and elsewhere – pop culture does offer a generous cornucopia of sex and eroticism in its movies, books, and music.
However, pop culture portrayals are not always accurate – especially when it comes to sex.
Some of the most iconic pop art representations of sex are – for reasons valid and otherwise – often far removed from the real experience.
Bathroom sex is a particularly illustrative case in point.
By now, you’d think it’s an obligatory cinematic schtick. The camera follows beads of water trailing down miles of supple skin, steam rises, and love blooms into a magnificent, soapy climax as music wells.
Those carefully staged, perfectly lit scenes are good for entertainment. None of it is meant to be realistic – much less instructive.
Anyone who has actually tried it will tell you that bathroom sex isn’t always as slick and erotic, or even sexy.
How to Ensure Better, Safer Sex in the Bathroom
In fact, doing the honky-tonk in the bathroom can be difficult and, at times, downright perilous. Often enough, your mobility is limited and the only thing that’s slippery is the floor!
The US Centers for Disease Control estimates that nearly a quarter of a million adult and teen-aged Americans slip and fall in the bathroom each year. There’s nothing sexy about that.
Thankfully, there are solutions.
1. Shower Sex Handles
Finding the sweet spot for the four-legged foxtrot in the bathroom is not easy. Elbow room can be a problem, which means you often need something to support some of your weight.
There is always the towel bar or the faucet, right?
Not really. The combination of movement and bodily weight could actually tear those right out of the tiled wall. Bumping uglies isn’t as fun with a bumped head –or worse, a cracked skull.
What about grab bars, then? Are those sexy? Well, they can be. While we usually associate grab bars with the elderly, quite a few companies manufacture specific shower-sex handles.
These handy grips are a bit more expensive than those installed in your grandmother’s loo. That’s because they’re sturdier.
You shouldn’t lean your whole weight on them, but shower sex handles do make maneuvering for that perfect position a good deal safer.
We say you get a few to allow room for some creative – but safe – lovemaking.
2. Non-Slip Mats
You don’t have to be a genius to figure out that non-slip bathroom mats are a basic. Trying to negotiate a reasonably agreeable position with your partner on a bare, soapy floor is dicey at best. The undertaking can be quite lethal at worst.
The US National Safety Council says at least one person every day dies after slipping in a bathtub or shower in the US alone. Most of the fatalities are caused by head injuries.
Non-slip bathroom mats come in a wide range of styles, designs, and uses. Each one creates a safe and comfortable bathroom environment.
So, unless you’ve some kind of kinky death wish, make sure you have some if you like a little slap-and-tickle in the shower.
3. Shower Foot Pedals
Once you’ve ensured a safe bathroom environment for you and your partner, you’ll find more opportunities to get wild and creative. For the more athletic among us, that might mean lifting a leg here or there.
Now, trying to balance while you contort yourselves into unlikely shapes can be quite the unpleasant experience.
However, if you shave your legs regularly, then it’s likely that you don’t have to look very far for a solution.
Shower foot pedals and foot rests are excellent for shaving your legs, yes. But they can be just as useful when you and your partner share an intimate moment in the shower.
They won’t support all your weight, or be entirely stable, but they should be steady enough to allow you more comfortable positions.
4. Shower Lube for Sex
On skin, water is a better solvent than it is a lubricant. Dousing your hoo-ha or your nightstick in water washes natural lubricants off your skin. That can lead to dryness, which can lead to tearing.
In men, the latter can lead to a sore – and therefore – useless willy. In women, dryness might mean yeast infections and bacterial vaginosis.
To avoid these painful misfortunes, you should literally “check the oil” when you and your partner “feed the kitty” in the shower.
Do yourself a favor with some research. A cursory internet search will reveal a seemingly endless torrent of lubricants to help you achieve trouble-free waterborne nirvana.
Not only are these silicone-based formulas long-lasting, they also wash off easily with soap and water. That means you and your partner don’t have to waste too much time cleaning yourselves off after having fun in the shower.
5. Vibrating Loofah
We all love toys, don’t we? Bath toys aren’t just for kids. Of course, certain bathroom games require toys that are decidedly more elaborate than your standard rubber ducky.
Enhancing physical pleasure undoubtedly enhances sexual enjoyment. That is as true for sex in the bathroom as it is for a bedroom romp. And bathroom sex toys are definitely an effective means toward that end.
Vibrating loofahs and brushes are a great way to add spice to an already novel bathroom activity.
Sure, there are countless other ways to make lathering an erotic experience. But can you really think of a downside to having these toys around when things get steamy in the shower?
Many bathroom-playtime implements look exactly like their more mundane counterparts, too. So much so that you can hang them in your bathroom without worrying over a potentially embarrassing situation when you have guests over. They’re not going to suspect a thing.
6. Waterproof Sheets
Some like to start things off with soapy foreplay in the shower but prefer bringing the love to bed for a truly satisfying ending. If you’re the type that finds a change of scenery exciting, you’re bound to make a mess during the transition.
Hopping onto bed while you are dripping wet from the shower is an excellent way to culture fungus in your mattress. We don’t know too many people who are into that.
While it’s not uncommon to have mildew in your bed cushion, avoiding an infestation is crucial to staying healthy and keeping your bedroom scent-free.
If you want to shield your mattress from the inevitable spills and moisture of your sudsy preliminaries, then waterproof sheets are your best bet.
Waterproof sheets repel liquids and can be washed separately. That means your mattress stays in good-as-new condition no matter how wet things get between you and your partner.
As an added bonus, some waterproof sheets can actually extend the life of your mattress by protecting against everyday wear and tear and allergens.
7. Turn Up the Heat
Turn up the heat before the proceedings get all hot and steamy. Any man will tell you that freezing cold environments often shrink masculine passion. (Willy might be free, but he’s unlikely to make it up the channel in icy cold weather.)
A showerhead issuing hot water can only cover so much territory, so do make sure your bathroom is warm enough before you start. At least one of you will be grateful.
Getting Down-and-Dirty While Getting Clean
The tub or shower are wonderful places for all manner of erotic activities. The water and general atmosphere of cleanliness simply helps conjure a more relaxed environment.
Some are even more likely to allow – and enjoy – mouths on those sexy nether regions when in a clean, sudsy setting.
You don’t have to spend much to relish aquatic love to its fullest extent. Try shopping around for the products we’ve suggested above. Amazon is always a good place to start.
If you enjoy getting down-and-dirty while getting clean in the bathroom, then you’ll find the investment well-worth your time and hard-earned money.
