If you’re reading this because you’ve started to suspect that a married man wants to cheat with you, chances are you’re right. That tiny inkling you get every time he’s around – the one you keep shrugging off, that’s not just your imagination. It’s there for a reason – and it’s not your fanciful mind’s eye.
Consciously or not, he’s been sending you signals, and you’ve been receiving them. That’s not your fault. It may not even be his.
The real question is, what are you going to do about it?
Hey, now, wait a minute! ‘Maybe he just wants to be friends’, you try to convince yourself. ‘Maybe I’m reading too much into it’, you say. He’s happily married – and he really seems like a good guy.
Well, that ring around his finger is no guarantee that he’s faithful, is it? The fact that he’s in what looks to be a happy marriage doesn’t change anything, either.
For whatever reason, 20 percent of men cheat, according to the US General Social Survey. Why? Because men are more prone to casual, opportunistic infidelity.
That’s how they get caught. In many men, infidelity is an indication of recklessness, among other things. Keep that in mind as you read on.
Signs that He Wants to Cheat with You
Still not convinced? ‘He’s going to be a father soon, after all’, you say. He’s so excited about it. Guess what? Soon-to-be fathers may cheat even more, according to the statistics.
Estimates suggest around 10 percent of expecting fathers cheat on their pregnant wives.
We can go on and on or you can simply stop questioning yourself and start thinking things through. You really don’t want to do anything crazy just because you were caught off guard, do you?
Now is the time to start understanding exactly what it was that made you suspect that he wants to cheat with you in the first place.
1. He looks at you differently.
The first, most obvious indication is in the way he looks at you. He probably won’t have the courage to confess his feelings for you this early. But he won’t be able to control how he looks at you.
When you enter a room and he’s there, you’ll sense that simply seeing you has made his day a whole lot better.
If this man is already in love with you, he will probably look you deep in the eyes. That’s because he’s trying to read something from your look. He acts like he doesn’t want you to know.
Deep, deep down though, he wants you to know. He hopes you’ll figure it out for yourself and, embarrassed as he is, he hopes you’ll reciprocate.
2. His body language says it all.
His body language is a dead giveaway. One of the signs that he’s into you is that he can’t help but want to be in the same room as you all the time.
He’s drawn to you. If you encounter him at work or with a group of friends, he’ll likely sit or stand next to you.
He’ll somehow mimic your moves and stand with his feet directed toward you.
Watch him carefully. His feet are shoulder width apart. His shoulders are relaxed. His hands and arms are uncrossed, and his jaw is unclenched.
He might show signs of nervousness but he’ll make his presence felt.
“Open body language is an indication that a guy is curious and attentive to you,” says therapist Shamyra Howard.
If he’s the confident type, he’ll even try to make physical contact in a subtle way. When he talks to you, he will touch your shoulder or your hand. When the two of you greet, he will want to kiss you on the cheek, or at least hug you.
3. He tells you about his “problematic” marriage.
If a married man is falling in love with you and wants to act on it, he will say and do whatever he can to justify himself. He knows he shouldn’t be feeling the way he does but he can’t help himself.
He needs validation, so he will probably talk to you about his marriage. He will open up to you about his problems, telling you he’s been unhappy for years.
“We all hear the old line about how guys cheat because they’re not getting any at home, but that’s not usually true,” says writer Logan Hill for Cosmopolitan. “When a guy cheats, it’s not the relationship’s fault or his wife’s fault. It’s his fault.”
This man will likely open up to you about other things, as well. He will talk to you about his past, his hopes, his goals, and interests.
He genuinely wants to be your friend. But instead of admitting his deeper feelings, he’ll probably tell you he’s unhappy and needs someone to hear him out.
4. He makes excuses to talk to you.
When a man is in love with you, he’ll want to spend as much time with you as possible. But when that someone happens to be married, he knows he can’t just ask you out. Instead, he’ll invent excuses – or create situations – that allow him to make contact with you.
“He’s calling and texting you for a reason – he wants to engage with you,” says Nick Bastion for Vixen Daily. “He wants to hear your voice or read your words. Talking to you gives him a little charge inside.”
If he’s a colleague at work, he’ll probably offer his help just to spend time with you – and he’ll ask for yours, too.
If he is truly, deeply in love with you, he’ll even start showing up unexpectedly at places where he’s sure to see you.
5. He listens to everything you have to say.
A married man who is genuinely into you won’t just ask about your interests and life right away. He’ll listen to you when you talk about these things – and listen closely.
Your admirer is likely to ask questions based on what you tell him. Other than that, he will remember everything you’ve told him. He sees these little bits of information as breadcrumbs to your heart – or your pants.
Depending on circumstances, your married admirer might even act on whatever information you’ve shared with him. If you mention – say – your love for Japanese food, he’ll likely suggest sushi next time you two are out with other colleagues or friends.
6. He’s interested in your love life.
When a married man has feelings for you, he will sometimes show enormous interest in your love life. He will want to know if you are single, first of all. If you are, he will want to know what type of men you prefer. If you happen to be in a relationship, he will want to know all its details.
Now, he might not ask you these questions up front. That would be too obvious, even creepy. But he’ll find out somehow.
Obviously, he hopes to hear you complain about your relationship. Every complaint is an opportunity for him to act on his feelings.
7. He gets jealous when you show an interest in other men.
Next time you talk to this man about some other male friend or colleague, make sure you pay attention to his body language. If he’s the jealous type, he’ll show signs of jealousy at the very mention of some other man’s name. He might gasp, make a face, both of which are body language ciphers of jealousy.
He will somehow make you feel like you’ve done a bad thing, too, when you show an interest in other men. He might start acting strangely for no apparent reason.
Keep in mind that his wish for you to chase him is another indication of jealousy. He is aware that he cannot show jealousy but he can’t help himself. He wants you to know, despite his marital status.
Considering the Consequences
Why do men cheat? Some may cheat because they are unsatisfied; but, as a rule, men don’t cheat because they are unhappy. Men cheat because they think they can get away with it – and they’re often willing to let themselves escape responsibility for their actions.
While women do cheat, men cheat more. Cheaters tend to be opportunistic. This is especially true of chronic cheaters. They are capable of emotional compartmentalization.
When a man decides to cheat, he will have already found a way to justify – or belittle the implications of – his behavior.
If you happen to find this married man attractive, then no one can blame you for feeling tempted. The thing to remember is that his kind of opportunism requires a certain amount of daring and recklessness.
There is always the risk that he’ll get caught, and – if you fail to make wise choices – you’re likely to get caught with him. You’ll probably end up with a broken heart, and, yes, others will be hurt, too.
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