Did you miss the real themes behind stories like Little Red Riding Hood and Bluebeard’s Castle when you were a toddler? They should be quite obvious to most of us now.
The implicit ruthlessness of the male libido has been the subject of myth and fairy tale from the beginning of literature.
Distress over its feral nature might, in part, explain why so much of male sexuality is cloaked in mystery.
No one talks about it candidly, not even men. A great deal of posturing and good old-fashioned chest-thumping goes on, but not much else.
We all suspect that much of what we see on display is hollow, anyway, and in many ways, our suspicions are well-founded.
What He Wants You to Do
The fact is, for all the mythology surrounding its power and potency, the masculine libido can, at times, be as brittle as the notoriously fragile male ego.
That’s often why finding out exactly what your man wants in bed can be tricky.
While many men want to try new things in the bedroom, all too often they are afraid to ask for fear of appearing silly or less ‘masculine’.
“Even though society says we’re supposed to be tough, lots of men become completely terrified at the prospect of something as simple as asking for what we want in bed,” says Spencer Phillips of Bolde Magazine.
We are, as always, here to help. Below are six things your man might want you to do in bed but is too afraid to ask.
1. He likes it when you flirt with him
While most people consider flirting to be the sexy prelude that, hopefully, eventually leads to a big, smashing climax, sexual health experts say flirting is a lot more more than just that.
The psychological effects of flirting are in themselves pleasurable. Men feel sexually desired when their wife or girlfriend acts flirtatious in ways that suggest that she thinks about him sexually.
“Anticipation is not the precursor to pleasure,” says sexual health expert Jessica O’Reilly. “Anticipation is pleasure,” she says. “If you go straight for the goods, you will both miss out on this important stage of pleasure.”
In other words, it’s important to take your time and build anticipation with flirtatious gestures.
But do note that touching does not always need to be sexual in nature. In fact, many men like to be touched in ways that are more romantic than they are blatantly sexual.
Yes ladies, most men really do have a need for romance!
2. Make the first move from time to time
Men want you to take the lead from time to time. Seeing to a couple’s entire sex life is a big responsibility. A man can only carry that weight so far. If you’ve been together for a while now, chances are your man is more than ready to share the burden.
In fact, one of the most common complaints that relationship experts hear from couples in therapy is that male partners often feel pressured to initiate sex. That’s just not sexy.
“Men like to be seduced, they like to feel desired and attractive,” says sex therapist Shamyra for On the Green Couch. “Initiating sex sends the message to your man that you want him, which gives him a major confidence boost.”
And of course, by initiating sex – and ‘taking the reins’ – you are very likely to get what you want from the encounter!
3. Don’t just lie there. Do something!
Many men experience more intense sexual pleasure with women who vigorously participate in the act. Sex is a two-way street, after all.
Hopefully, none of us is still stuck in the ‘think of Mother England/ good Catholic girl’ era! Humans (along with dolphins) are unique in the animal kingdom for their ‘sex on demand’ ability. We were made to come so don’t hold back!
Your active participation i a great ‘turn on’ for your partner. If you’re still digging your way out of your inhibitions, participation may simply mean meeting his thrusts with your own or grinding your hips against him.
You might also want to try flexing the muscles that stretch from your pubic bone to the tail bone during coitus. You can do all of these things from any position you find yourself engaged.
Be handy, as well. Many men find women’s hands erotic and alluring. Using your hands to please a man will not only heighten this attraction, but it can be satisfying for you, too. Touching his body all over will turn you on while you satisfy him.
You can also use your mouth to explore more of his body. He is sure to enjoy the silky, smooth, warm moisture of your lips on him. This kind of open, physical participation will let him know you’re enjoying the encounter as much as you hope he is.
4. Be loud. Be proud.
Unless you’ve got extremely thin walls, or are otherwise not the expressive type, there is no reason to keep yourself from being vocal during sex.
Sex is about communication, and often enough, your sighs, moans, and screams speak louder than words. They are also an excellent way to signal when he’s doing something right. Positive reinforcement always works wonders!
“Do not stifle your sounds or hold your breath,” says sexual health expert, Jessica O’Reilly. “We tend to do both of these things when we are nervous, but doing so not only hinders your own sexual response, but can cause your partner to tense up as well.”
5. Tell him exactly what you want.
While a man might act like he knows exactly what he’s doing, he will likely appreciate some direction as he navigates his way under the sheets. Don’t equivocate. Tell him exactly what you want and do it like the house is on fire.
While ambiguity might have worked during the earlier phases of your journey to the bedroom, it doesn’t help either of you in the sack. Don’t be afraid to ask for what you really want. He’s more likely to welcome your advice and candor than you might think.
“Tell him how good it feels when he does something right or remind him of a technique that always gets you off,” says Gloria Brame, a sex therapist in Georgia. “If he’s not giving you enough foreplay, ask him to use his hand or mouth to warm you up, saying that you want to draw out the experience.”
6. Wear the right kind of lingerie.
For men, what they see is almost as good as what they get. All men (and most women) have a little voyeur hiding inside them. Fulfilling his visual desires is a guaranteed way to get your needs fulfilled in turn.
A woman in sexy, seductive, lingerie is a powerhouse. Beautiful lingerie won’t just make you look gorgeous and desirable, lingerie will also make you feel confident and sexy! Quite simply, sensual lingerie just about guarantees good sex because it signals your intent, mentally and physically!
When a woman feels attractive it boosts her confidence. She stands straighter, holds her head higher and even moves in a more sensual manner… in and out of the bedroom!
“You should spend your money on some nice lingerie,” says former supermodel Heidi Klum. “Big woollen or cotton pants, that just doesn’t work. You have to feel sexy.”
Sensual lingerie can make any woman feel beautiful and desirable, poised and in control. That liberating feeling of sexy confidence has physical manifestations that most men find attractive.
Instead of scrolling through Facebook in bed, why not browse an online lingerie catalogue with him? Tell him which designs you love and those you don’t.
Lingerie comes in every color and a thousand styles, from raunchy to ultra-sophisticated – literally something for every mood and ‘secret drawer’.
And, as a bonus, chances are that your mutual lingerie catalogue browsing will end with a very satisfying physical result!
Cherishing Each Other
Most experts agree that a healthy sexual relationship is built on open communication and trust. Go ahead and encourage your man to tell you what he likes in bed. It won’t hurt to indulge him once in a while… or even regularly!
That said, you don’t have to be open to everything and you should never be pressured to do anything you don’t want to do.
Ultimately, sensuality is about gathering momentum as a result of touching. You can more effectively show love and affection by creating – and cherishing – moments when you can both completely surrender to each other’s needs.
Are you ready to ask what he wants or do you really think you know?
