Have you been feeling lonely and emotionally neglected lately despite being married or in a relationship? You aren’t alone. More and more people in committed relationships have described how their partners’ appreciation and caring have become fixed on a third person, not on them.
Infidelity usually involves sexual intercourse with someone other than one’s spouse or committed partner. But even purely emotional relationships with someone other than one’s partner – such as those in virtual affairs – can jeopardize a relationship.
In fact, various experts have expressed increasing concern over emotional cheating among couples – despite the close proximity imposed by recent stay-at-home orders.
How to Spot Emotional Cheating
Melissa Schacter, a licensed marriage and family therapist, says there’s no fixed definition for emotional infidelity. But some of its most telling traits are nearly identical across relationships.
Schacter tells Women’s Health that emotional cheating typically develops over weeks or months of interaction.
Given the restrictions necessitated by the pandemic, much of the emotional affairs take place virtually, through social media.
Below are some signs of emotional cheating that psychologists and other experts have noted among couples in lockdown.
1. You argue incessantly about his or her “special friend.”
There is a simmering tension between you and your partner. Arguments erupt repeatedly. Most of the fights are focused on a third person, who appears to have become a wedge in your relationship.
If your partner has developed feelings for another person, he or she may lash out at you out of frustration or simply to ease guilt. The arguments ensue even as you try to explain that the “special friend” is causing a problem in your relationship.
This is often ignored or denied outright. Instead, your partner blames you for being unreasonably jealous.
2. Your partner pays more attention to the “special friend” than you.
Obvious changes in behavior may be worth investigating, as well. A noticeable increase in texting and social media use can be a red flag. If your spouse takes to secretly stashing his or her phone, that’s even more suspect.
Does your partner drop everything and turn his attention away from you every time the special friend calls, texts, or sends an e-mail? Does he or she get annoyed when you go anywhere near his or her phone? These are all strong indications of emotional cheating.
3. You are not a jealous person but you’re increasingly resentful of your partner’s friend.
Is jealousy a typical issue in your love relationships? If not, and your partner’s constant attention to the special friend makes you resentful, then take note.
This can be a sign that your spouse is having an emotional affair. Unlike a casual sexual encounter, an emotional affair requires time and energy from the people involved in the dalliance.
So, if you begin to feel like an afterthought instead of the main focus, it could be that your partner is too preoccupied with someone else.
4. Your relationship is starting to exact a toll on your self-esteem.
Is your confidence beginning to flag? Do you feel less and less attractive from lack of attention? Do you find yourself doubting yourself more? If you have never had such problems before, your partner may be emotionally cheating.
If your partner’s neglect leaves you feeling unable to measure-up to the special friend, then that, too, may be indicative of emotional infidelity. The fact that your partner refuses to address – or acknowledge – your situation despite repeated entreaties is in itself a failure on his or her part.
5. Your demands for an end to your partner’s emotional relationship are met with refusal.
When most people imagine a situation involving a “cheating spouse” caught having an affair, they sensibly assume the guilty party will react apologetically. You, too, might reasonably expect that your spouse will lessen contact with the special friend should you so request.
Unfortunately, that is not always the case. If your spouse refuses to end the friendship despite your demands, then your relationship may be in serious jeopardy.
This is a strong indication that he or she is emotionally – and possibly physically – cheating on you.
6. Your relationship seems to be falling apart.
Does it seem like your marriage or relationship is getting more and more difficult? Have the arguments become angrier and more intense? Or perhaps you find yourselves sitting in two separate rooms at the end of the day on your devices.
Has your partner become more critical of you? Is the negative pattern becoming worse over time? These are all serious indications of a fissure in your relationship, according to psychologist Diana Kirschner in an article for Psychology Today.
“These are serious red flags that emotional and possibly physical cheating is going on to such an extent that it may result in a breakup,” says Kirschner.
“Weathering the Storm”
Relationships fall apart for many different reasons. One of the most common – and most challenging to overcome – is the discovery that one partner has been emotionally unfaithful to the other.
That is especially true these days, when lockdowns and social distancing conditions make physical contact impractical, if not impossible.
Kirschner recommends that couples enter counseling or coaching with a professional who is seasoned at helping couples navigate emotional cheating.
“Weathering the storm of emotional cheating can truly turn things around and help you come into a whole new relationship that is better than ever.” Kirschner says.
What do you think? Is emotional cheating the same as, less or more than a physical dalliance. What’s your story?
