The Italians have a name for it – moonstruck! If you’ve been lucky enough to have felt it, then you know how confusing it can get even under the best circumstances.
You’ve just met someone and you are instantly drawn in. You somehow feel as if you’ve met before. That person is sitting across from you now looking you square in the eyes, head slightly turned sideways, a corner of the mouth curled into a smile.
The tension is quietly building. You say something funny, and your new acquaintance laughs loudest. (Surely, what you just said couldn’t have been that funny.)
There is a good chance that you are both feeling this buzz, but you simply can’t be sure. The suspense is killing you inside but it’s strangely not an unpleasant feeling at all.
Often enough, it’s not knowing what’s going to happen next that makes such encounters electrifying.
Sexual Chemistry and Motivation
Dr. Nicole Prause, sexual psycho-physiologist and neuroscientist, describes sexual chemistry – or sexual tension – as the body’s arousal and preparation to “engage.” In short, your body feels the attraction, and is using that tension as an incentive to act.
“Before we actually race our motorcycle, steal the toothpaste from CVS, or have sex, the anticipation of the act involves a strong recruitment of resources to prepare us to act,” says Prause. “This is not ‘fight or flight.’ This is just how motivation works.”
So, what are the indications that you’ve got good sexual chemistry with someone? Below are a few surefire signs that sparks are flying between you and that intriguing special someone.
1. You both make prolonged eye contact.
The first – and initially the most obvious – signal is prolonged eye contact. When someone makes eye contact with you, that’s a signal that they’re attentive and interested in what you have to say.
When the attraction is one-sided, the person that does not feel the chemistry is likely to evade eye contact to express indifference. On the other hand, eye contact with someone with whom you share sexual chemistry is very different.
“If you look into your date’s eyes and feel like there’s a kindness behind their eyes, that’s a sign,” says Rachel Hoffman, a social worker who specializes in sexuality and intimate relationships. “They’ll have what seems like a sparkle in their eyes.”
Jess McCann Ballagh, author and relationship coach, puts it another way. She says sexually-charged eye contact feels like a mini-date that no one else can see or share in any way.
“It feels great and you don’t want to break away from it,” Ballagh says.
2. You are physically drawn to each other.
When there is sexual chemistry between you two, you are quite physically drawn to each other. You want this person to touch you and kiss you but you can’t ask just yet. So, you make the best of what you have.
You sit next to him or her at lunch. You rub against that person in the elevator or in a crowded bar. Your handshakes and hugs last a bit longer. When you touch, you feel your body responding so intensely you are almost sure the other person feels it, too.
You angle your bodies toward each other all the time. Not only will this other person face you, but he or she will lean in when talking to you. This person will get close to your face, talk quieter, and maybe even whisper.
“If you say something funny, they may touch your arm while laughing and lean towards you,” Hoffman says. “It won’t seem like an invasion to your personal space.”
3. Your voice changes and the initial conversation is awkward.
Don’t worry too much if you almost do not recognize the voice that comes out of your mouth when you speak to this person. Research has revealed that the pitch and tone of the human voice changes in the midst of sexual attraction.
Don’t let this make you self-conscious. The fact is that scientists have also found that speech directed at someone you find attractive makes your voice more appealing to others.
Your initial conversations with this attractive person are likely to feel awkward, as well. The explanation for this is simple, if not utterly primal.
“Awkward conversation is only natural when you’re worrying about coming up with witty things to say while most of your blood has taken up residence between your thighs!”
Adrienne Santos-Longhurst for Healthline.
4. You can’t help but flirt.
The longer you are around this person, the more sexual connotations emerge during your conversation. Even when talking about things where you’d never before imagined there might be anything even slightly sexual, you are discovering flirty, sexy implications.
In fact, you’ll catch sexual undertones in just about everything that’s said between the two of you. Sometimes it gets a bit embarrassing. You think you can probably take things down a notch, but you are unable to stop. Even when you don’t want or mean to, something seemingly naughty comes out of your mouth.
Flirting becomes automatic with this person and you two seem to have developed a language all your own. Indeed, that language feels like the best and easiest means of communication you’ve ever learned.
“There’s an element in chemistry where there’s a natural back and forth banter,” Hoffman says. “It’s smooth and effortless.”
5. Other people sense the chemistry and tension between you two.
Discerning sexual tension between two people does not require a special sort of genius. Sometimes, you’ll see it even before the pair realizes there is something special between them.
That means if you are feeling that magic attraction for someone, then chances are that others can sense your attraction, too.
Perhaps the clearest indication of this is that you two are often mistaken for a couple, or people comment on how good you’d be together. That’s because when the sparks fly between two people, others can’t help but marvel at the rare chemistry.
If others have commented, then it’s definitely real.
If you’re already in relationship, your partner may have already commented about your friendship with this person. If that is the case, then the chemistry between you must be both powerful and obvious.
Resolving Sexual Tension
How you want to resolve sexual tension depends on what you want to get out of the situation. Having sexual chemistry with someone does not oblige any sort of action. The sparks do not mean you can go ahead and cross any lines.
If you want to pursue a relationship with this person, you’ll need to keep calm and go with the flow. Respond to the signals you’re sensing with obvious signs in return.
Reciprocating flirtation sends the message that you’re open to more, says Santos-Longhurst.
Be open, honest, and unequivocal. Then give the person the opportunity to decide how he or she would like to respond to your admission.
If for some reason sending signals doesn’t elicit a positive response from the object of your affections, then you need to back off.
If the other person feels the same way you do, he or she will likely take the opportunity to build on your good chemistry.
What’s your story? Have you ever been ‘moonstruck’? Why not share your experience with us by reviewing this story…
