Do you make eye contact with your partner while having sex? If you don’t, read on to find out why you should.
In the spring of 2010, the Serbian concept artist Marina Abramovic spent over 700 hours gazing into the eyes of more than 1,500 visitors to the Museum of Modern Art, in New York.
“Try not to blink,” Abramovic told them. “The more you blink, the more you think.”
Many wept openly after a while. Sometimes, Abramovic cried, too.
Eye contact prompts avoidance behavior in many species. But humans are superbly attuned to it. Neuroimaging studies show that eye contact alters how human brains develop and function.
This is particularly true of the cortical and subcortical regions, which scientists call the “social brain.” These cerebral regions motivate our ability to empathize.
While its biological mechanisms are exquisitely complex, the function of the social brain in intimate situations is simple… looking into the eyes of another person provides valuable information about what he or she is thinking and feeling.
To understand the significance of this function, we need to appreciate that eye contact is central to human evolution. It’s deeply rooted in our DNA.
You’re able to read this article now in large part because your primordial ancestors had an instinctive mastery of communicating with their eyes. Back then, it meant the difference between life and death, attraction and hostility.
So, if you like locking eyes with your partner during sex, then you can be assured that there is a perfectly good reason for it. In fact, you may have already noticed positive mental and physical benefits in your relationships.
Below are five good reasons to make eye contact during sex, according to experts.
1. Gazing into each other’s eyes deepens emotional connection.
People like feeling seen and understood by their partners. Intense or prolonged eye contact helps both men and women feel desirable. It can also make sex more intimate as it deepens your romantic connection, says psychotherapist Vanessa Marin.
“Making eye contact with a romantic partner deepens your emotional connection. A number of scientific studies have shown that consistent eye contact is one of the best ways to bond with your partner.”
Vanessa Marin, psychotherapist
2. Intimate eye contact improves romantic chemistry and increases sexual pleasure.
Some studies show that intense eye contact can stimulate sexual arousal. How? Maintaining eye contact with your partner for a single minute is enough to trigger the brain to produce phenylethylamine.
The chemical mimics the brain chemistry of a person in love. It acts as a natural amphetamine and stimulates the release of dopamine. The effect is heightened awareness and increased sexual pleasure that is almost akin to a drug-induced high!
“The results showed that dyads exhibited the highest degree of arousal – and increased skin conductance – while making eye contact,” the researchers write in their published study.
3. Looking into each other’s eyes increases trust.
When we want to tell our children something important, the first thing we tell them is, “Look at me when I’m talking to you.” There is a reason for that. Direct eye contact signifies acknowledgment and understanding.
The same holds whether you are having sex with your partner or communicating with someone from work.
The simple act of holding another person’s gaze – whether he or she is a new partner or a prospective employer – has the power to ignite or deepen a relationship.
By making eye contact during sex, you reveal yourself to your partner. You also establish a strong, trustworthy relationship.
4. Prolonged eye contact makes you look more attractive.
While we like to say that a winning smile is an excellent way to appear attractive, looking directly at someone creates attraction. Eye contact can dramatically enhance other behaviors like smiling and touching.
What’s more, smiling while gazing into someone’s eyes has the most power when interacting with the opposite sex, according to a 2006 study from Aberdeen University in Scotland.
“What we’ve shown is that people seem to like someone who likes them based on the direction of their gaze – and it’s particularly true of the opposite sex.”
2006 Study from Aberdeen University, Scotland
This conclusion is in keeping with those of a similar study from Edinburgh University published three years later.
The results of this study showed that women, during the fertile part of their cycle, found pictures of men with enlarged pupils more appealing.
The researchers suggest that this is likely connected to the fact that our pupils dilate when focused on someone we find attractive.
5. Eye contact improves relationships.
Many relationship therapists and intimacy coaches recommend eye contact exercises to help couples that are having a hard time connecting.
The exercises typically entail sitting across from your partner, setting a timer for a certain amount of time, and looking into each other’s eyes for the entire time.
The exercises are often called ‘eye gazing’ and are used to increase feelings of closeness, compassion, and support in a relationship.
Sex therapist Holly Richmond, recommends eye gazing exercises to every single couple who walks through her door for their potential to improve intimacy.
“I have my couples clients do this all the time when they’ve just been disconnected, they’re not having sex, or they’re fighting all the time,” Richmond says.
The Look of Love
Because we live in an age of social media and technological communication, many of our interactions no longer happen in person. This makes it harder than ever before to make eye contact.
Eye contact can nevertheless be a powerful tool to connect two people who are having sex. It helps to strengthen relationships and increase feelings of attraction and closeness.
But it’s equally important to remember that the absence of eye contact is not the ultimate basis for deciding a lack of love or sexual attraction. Some people are unaware or are not used to making eye contact for perfectly normal reasons.
As with learning anything new, mastering the art of gazing into your partner’s eyes will require practice. You may find that you both need to take a break during the moment.
Be prepared for a rush of emotion, as well. Abramovic felt surges of selfless tenderness during the months she spent locking eyes with the strangers who waited in line to sit across from her at the Museum of Modern Art in 2010.
“I felt their loneliness and pain,” the artist says of the experience. “My heart was bursting.”
Do you gaze into your partner’s eyes when you make love? Tell us about your experiences in the comment section below. We’d love to hear from you!
