Welcome, sapphic love enthusiasts, to the exhilarating, frantic, and tantalizingly mysterious world of first-time lesbian encounters.
And while taboos may be falling rapidly, the challenges aren’t…
There are doubts, questions, second thoughts aplenty, subverted expectations, and fumbling excitement. Did I mention the moments of awkward embarrassment, self-doubt and anxiety?
Hopefully, there will also be enough pleasures and discoveries to satisfy those who simply want to try some girl-on-girl action.
So, you consider yourself straight but are thinking about doing it with another woman?
Let’s begin by settling two questions that have probably been gnawing at you since the thought crossed your mind…
Yes, you’re perfectly normal; and no, you are not alone. In fact, you are actually in great company.
First off, “normal” is a loaded word and it’s been misused throughout history – mostly by men. In a 2015 study, Dr. Gerulf Rieger of the University of Essex concluded that – unlike men – most women are either gay or bisexual.
More recently, a 2016 US National Health Statistics report found that over 17 percent of women between the ages of 18 and 44 had experienced sexual contact with other women. But only 6.8 percent of them identified as lesbian or bisexual!
The First-Time is Always Daunting
There is a first-time for everything, say the more adventurous among us. And – like all maiden voyages – your first girl-on-girl experience can be rather nerve-wracking.
For now, the first thing you need to do is manage your expectations. Despite what you’ve seen in the movies, first time romps are rarely the most orgasm-inducing, mind-blowing sensual experiences.
That said, sex between two women can be at once strange, liberating, and beautiful, say experienced dabblers. The cute panties, the lace, the first soft, exploratory kisses – all that can be quite intoxicating.
But if you’ve never done it before, the intimacy may seem a little intimidating at first. Below are few things you need to know before you, well, “dive into it,” as they say.
1. Know your own body.
The best way to learn how to please a woman is to learn to how to please yourself. While every woman is different, masturbation is a great way to learn more about the female anatomy.
Take the time to get to know your own erogenous zones.
Investigate what pleasures those intimate parts of you that are likely to come into play – from your nipples to your clitoris to your g-spot.
If it feels good to you, then it will most likely feel good to someone else, as well.
“There’s no better way to get some practice in than masturbation,” say the folks at Cosmopolitan. “If you’re a regular wanker, great. If not, perhaps now is the time to learn how to masturbate like a pro …”
2. Choose someone you trust.
The decision to have sex with a woman for the first time is a big step in your sexual journey.
While there is nothing wrong with engaging in casual sex, embarking on that journey with someone you trust ensures that it’s a comfortable experience for you. Good sex, after all, is about good communication – and that is especially true for your first time.
That’s why trust is important. You will need to talk things out openly and honestly with your prospective partner. Instead of looking to porn for tips on how to please your lady, ask her what she likes. If she doesn’t know or is too shy to tell you, start slowly. Ask her what feels good as you proceed.
Don’t forget to speak up for yourself, too. Just as you want your partner to enjoy the experience, she wants you to feel good, as well.
Perhaps even more important, never be afraid to say you’ve changed your mind about something – and listen carefully to what your partner says, too.
Nobody can force you to do anything you don’t want to do. And, just as it is with a male partner, if it isn’t consensual, it’s assault.
3. Deal with any doubts and misgivings early on.
Regardless of your partner’s gender, your first-time is likely to cause some anxiety. You may be feeling anxious about pleasing your partner or worried about sharing your body.
For whatever reason, everyone gets the jitters. That’s just part of it. Take time to figure out if your worries are valid or just the normal, run-of-the-mill apprehensions you’d expect from any first-timer.
Your health is the best indicator here. If you have any reason at all to fear for your own health and safety, then your concerns require serious consideration. Step back, give yourself time to deliberate, and re-think the situation.
4. Be safe. Seriously.
Remember, your health and safety should always be first and foremost in your mind. There is a common misconception that lesbian sex is safe sex. That’s just plain hogwash.
Women can catch STIs such as herpes, genital warts, and chlamydia from other women when exchanging bodily fluids. Oral sex, or even using the same hand when touching yourself and then your partner, can put you at real risk.
You and your partner should have yourselves screened for STIs – and coronavirus, of course – so that you both know your status. Regular health screenings and pelvic exams are a must, anyway. Don’t let this one slide.
Now, once you’ve started getting down and dirty, make sure that you and your partner use barrier methods whenever appropriate.
Use dental dams or a split-open condom for oral sex if necessary. You can also use latex or nitrile gloves for manual stimulation and condoms for shared sex toys.
“Nothing kills the mood like taking risks with your sexual health,” say the experts at Astroglide. “Make sure you and your partner enjoy your first time by taking the proper precautions.”
5. Trim your nails.
You’ve probably seen some girl-on-girl porn. See how those women have long, red, polished fingernails? Well, those can be a problem. Different women have different preferences, of course, but in general, most women wouldn’t want those nails anywhere near their vulvas.
You know for a fact that the tissues of a woman’s vulva and vagina are extremely sensitive. These areas need to be treated with care at all times. If you want to be sure that she’s moaning from pleasure, not pain, skip the nail polish and reach for nail clippers instead.
The Plain Truth
The plain truth of the matter is that so much of the information and sexual imagery we encounter is focused around the male libido. This sorry state of our cultural affairs can make it hard for most women to know what really matters to other women in the bedroom.
The fact is, even the majority of “lesbian porn” we see online today is created and produced for straight men, not women. These things add up, leading to great deal of muddle, misperception, and misinformation.
The advice we’ve given above is by no means complete. Far from it, in fact. You’ll need to do some research and soul-searching on your own. But if you really are ready to take the plunge, then we hope we’ve helped to settle at least a few questions for you.
What’s your story? Why not share it so that others can gain from your experience?
