Have you ever had a one-night stand? If you have, then you know that it can happen anytime and under a wide variety of circumstances.
You could be on a night out at a bar, a club, or a house party. You may have met online. You could be strangers or best friends. In fact, these days, one-night stands are as common as rain.
But that was not always the case. Polite society has frowned on one-night stands for most of history – and for good reason.
People simply did not have recourse to technologies that offered a reliable measure of protection against disease and pregnancy until about 200 years ago.
Today, those technologies are available everywhere. Yet much of the moralistic judgment that surrounds casual sex encounters remains.
Of course, where men are concerned, you can get away with as many one-night stands as possible these days and be seen as a “player.” The story is quite different for women.
However much we want to believe otherwise, there are still those who would subject a woman who enjoys one-night stands to slut-shaming.
Sure, that hasn’t stopped women from engaging in casual sex. But the dread of being shamed and judged often compels women to sweep their one-off sexual adventures under the carpet.
As a result, intelligent conversation on the subject has been silenced. And women’s experiences of one-night stands suffer because of it.
We want to help change that. If you happen to be a woman who enjoys one-night stands, there’s no reason why you shouldn’t continue enjoying them. That is, of course, provided that you understand that casual sex isn’t as casual as doing the laundry.
So, when can a one-night stand be good for you? Below are four good reasons to enjoy a one-night stand as explained by psychologists, relationship experts, and intimacy coaches.
1. You enjoy one-night stands.
Some women simply like one-night stands. There is nothing wrong with that. Many healthy, intelligent single women have had regular random hookups for years. The majority of these women feel good about themselves.
“If you go into it expecting just a one-night stand, one and done, it’ll feel much more liberating,” says dating expert Yue Xu, who hosts the podcast Date/able. “If you know it’s your thing, there’s no reason to feel weird about it.”
Sex and relationship expert Dr. Megan Stubbs agrees, adding that the key is in knowing your motivations.
“If you want to have a one-night stand, make sure you are doing it for the right reasons,” says Stubbs. “That this is something you 100 percent want to do, and you aren’t being pressured or under the impression that this will make someone like you more.”
2. A one-night stand can be an excellent remedy for boredom.
In 2016, the American Psychological Association published a study that says 63 percent of people suffer from boredom at least once every ten days.
While boredom can’t kill you, researchers have found that chronically bored people are more prone to depression, substance use, and anxiety.
We all feel apathetic from time to time, but most people are rarely inclined to talk about it. Some psychologists suggest that talking about boredom can be embarrassing as it’s often seen as being self-inflicted.
But boredom isn’t a character flaw. Humans simply have a natural tendency to get used to things over time. This explains why initially gratifying activities can sometimes lose their luster.
In such cases, intimacy coach Zoë Kors says that – sometimes – a random hook-up might just be the remedy you need.
“A one-night stand is like a vacation,” says Kors. “It can be very therapeutic to be intimate with someone who exists outside the structures of our regular lives. It’s a great way to step out of the bubble for a moment and play.”
3. Casual sex can give you a positive psychological boost.
True, there is a veritable canon of scientific literature linking ‘sleeping around’ with depression and anxiety.
But Dr. Zhana Vrangalova, a professor of psychology at Cornell University, says there is also evidence that one-night stands can give some people a positive psychological boost.
Vrangalova, who is in her thirties, has spent the past decade investigating sexual encounters that occur outside committed relationships.
She established The Casual Sex Project, a website where people share true stories of their casual sex encounters, in 2014.
“Humans have this fundamental need for adventure, novelty, mystery … It’s there in our DNA,” Vrangalova says. “That is a need that casual sex satisfies effortlessly.”
Eight years after starting her website, Vrangalova argues that far too many women are under the impression that the negative consequences of one-night stands outweigh their possible benefits.
“That is simply not true,” Vrangalova says. “For both men and women alike, positive post hook-up reactions – happy, pleased, excited – are much stronger than negative hook-up reactions.”
She says casual sex can often improve well-being by increasing confidence, sexual pleasure, and making people feel desirable.
“There’s even experiencing that deep, emotional, spiritual, intellectual connection with another human being that sometimes happens even though no romantic feelings are involved,” Vrangalova says.
4. One-night stands can lead to wildly satisfying sex.
Yes, casual sexual encounters can sometimes lead to great sex – especially for women. Behavioural experts have noted that, for some, the sheer newness and mystery of the experience is enough to create a pleasurable and memorable experience.
Cultural studies scholar and researcher Dr. Rachel O’Neill echoes this sentiment, adding that sex in general can be good for your mental health.
“Because it’s exciting and novel, casual sex can activate pleasure pathways in the brain,” O’Neill says. “These pathways produce a sense of temporary euphoria.”
For other women, one-night stands provide an opportunity to experience physical pleasure without the obligations that a long-term relationship might require.
Despite these benefits, Vrangalova says that a study of 20,000 college students found that only 42 percent of women, compared with 78 percent of men, had an orgasm in their last hookup.
This “pleasure gap” may partly explain the difference between men and women’s feelings about casual sex, she says.
To close the gap, Stubbs suggests that women should communicate what they want in bed more freely.
This is easier said than done, of course. But if you’ve chosen your partner well, he or she will want to know how to please you, she says.
“Speak up in bed,” Stubbs suggests. “Ask for what you want. What kind of touch? What kind of pressure, speed, intensity?”
If you’re into one-night stands, don’t sweat the small stuff.
To be sure, part of the negativity surrounding one-night stands originates from legitimate causes. These sexual encounters increase the risk of pregnancy, disease, and – more often than in a committed relationship – physical coercion.
But most negative casual sex experiences come instead from a sense of social convention.
The truth is, casual sex is not bad or good in and of itself. Ultimately, there are as many reasons not to have a one-night stand as there are to enjoy them.
“If you’re the type of person who really values intimacy and views sex as something that happens after a relationship develops, then perhaps casual sex isn’t right for you,” says O’Neill.
“At the same time, it doesn’t mean that you can’t experiment with your sexuality to see if perhaps you can find some element of causal sexual intimacy that works for you.”
So long as the encounter is between two consenting adults and you practice safe sex, there is no reason why you shouldn’t enjoy a one-night stand from time to time.
The important thing to remember is that your decision as to whether or not to have casual sex is personal. You shouldn’t be ashamed or embarrassed either way.
