I first came across the term “mirror sex” in a blog. I must admit that, as I read the article, I was gradually overcome by a pang of self-loathing, guilt, bewilderment, and shame. Today, I am happily way, way past all that.
As proof of my readiness to discuss the subject with genuine candor, let me begin with a confession.
Often, when I try on new lingerie in front of my bedroom mirror, my reflection coaxes a hot, squishy dampness between my legs. In short, I get sexually aroused.
Mirrors are a common paraphilia.
I was a college co-ed when I first realized that I liked watching myself in the mirror. I was slipping on a lacy red babydoll chemise that my boyfriend had given to me as a present for Valentine’s Day.
After a few moments in front of the mirror, I realized that I’d become very aroused. “What’s this,” I thought to myself. “Have I turned into some kind of freak?”
But a cursory survey of the search returns on my browser told me that what I had experienced was a fairly common kink.
The Greeks called the fetish katoptronophilia – derived from the Greek word katoptron, which means mirror.
Katoptronophiliac activities may include having sex or masturbating in front of mirrors, among many others.
“Well, well,” I thought. “People have been having the same disconcerting experience as I’d just had for thousands of years!”
Knowing that should’ve appeased my discomfit somewhat. But it didn’t. Instead, I felt even more guilty, more disgusted with myself.
So much so that I was too embarrassed to talk about my kinky mirror experience with friends. Even my boyfriend had no clue.
Why did I feel as I did? When I look back on it now, I think it was because I’d come to a revealing insight early on.
That is, I discovered that most of the experiences that had initially struck me as personally unique and remarkable were usually common and familiar to others.
For me, the discord between feeling an intimate, personal sensation and knowing that many felt the same way made my kink all the more embarrassing. Why can’t I help myself? Is it because I enjoy feeling this way about myself too much to stop? Am I a full-on narcissist?
What is mirror sex?
But the more I found out about my sexual predilection and its various iterations, the more relieved I became. I read copiously on the subject. Gradually, I began to shed the misconceptions and embraced my particular brand of kink.
You can guess how pleasantly surprised I was when I later discovered that mirror sex was an even bigger turn-on for me!
The term ‘mirror sex’ is self-explanatory. It refers to any sexual activity performed in front of a mirror. Does this eccentric-sounding paraphilia smack of an unhealthy attitude to you?
If so, Dr. Lori Beth Bisbey, a registered psychologist and sex therapist, doesn’t agree with you. On the contrary, she says appreciating one’s sexual attractiveness can be downright healthy.
“We teach people not to have pleasure in their bodies and not to find themselves attractive – particularly women,” says Bisbey. “But doing something like mirror sex and recognizing how beautiful and sexy your body is, is a positive thing.”
4 Reasons to Try Mirror Sex
So, if you’ve never tried mirror sex, I suggest that you at least consider it. Sure, some have found the experience weird – perhaps even discouraging. After all, it does require you to look at yourself as others see you – and that can be intimidating.
But that’s only because society sets unrealistic standards for what body appearance is considered “normal.” With the right attitude, watching a mirror reflection of you and your partner having sex can be a beautiful and illuminating experience.
Below are four excellent reasons to try using mirrors the next time you and your partner have sex.
1. Mirror sex can improve your self-image and body positivity.
In many modern cultures, people are taught to put a lot of emphasis on body weight, size, and appearance.
Women, most especially, are conditioned from a very young age to believe that our self-worth is derived from our physical characteristics. We are brainwashed into idealizing the perfectly-chiseled physique and the lithe, lean body.
But because many women do not have wispy, willowy figures, many end up becoming unhappy with their bodies.
Sadly, most – if not all – of these women are oblivious to a particularly important reality. In falling into this cultural trap, they are shutting themselves off from so much enjoyment in life.
I can’t say outright that mirror sex is a sure remedy to this problem. But in my case, watching a mirror reflection of myself having sex certainly did improve my self-image.
Simply put, it can be a real turn-on to see yourself being pleasured. And the flipside is just as erotic. Seeing that your partner is turned on by you helps reinforce your body positivity.
Self-confidence is sexy. So, the more confident I become, the more others want me.
That may sound narcissistic, but it isn’t. There’s a big difference between wanting yourself and wanting others to want you.
2. Mirror sex is a great way to encourage greater intimacy in your relationship.
The best part about watching yourself have sex in front of a mirror is that it is never solely about you alone. The best part is watching you and your partner together.
You can see each other’s facial expressions. You can look into each other’s eyes, gauge each other’s pleasure, and even communicate with each other more intimately. And you can do all this in positions that usually have you facing away from each other.
Mirror sex also gives you a new perspective on your partner’s body. This new vantage might include the areas that usually face away from you.
For instance, you can read your beau’s facial expressions and watch his reactions when he enters you from behind. From there, you can both make sex even hotter for each other.
“It can actually help you connect more with your partner, by reading [his or her] facial expressions and cues to bring them more pleasure,” says Lorrae Bradbury, a sex expert and the founder of the sex-positive brand, Slutty Girl Problems.
3. Mirror sex heightens the visual aspect of physical intimacy.
Sex is not only about what we feel when our partners touch our bodies or how we feel when we touch theirs. It is also about what we see during the sex act.
We get turned on by seeing our partner’s pleasure. We get aroused, watching our skin rubbing against theirs. There is also something quite sexy about watching our bodies in the act of lovemaking.
“Sex is an erotic act, and watching it makes it even more erotic — like watching porn but better for the viewers because they get to see themselves as the sexual objects, which is often considered taboo,” says Dr. Niloo Dardashti, a couples’ therapist in New York.
In short, watching ourselves having sex with a partner can be both mentally and sexually stimulating. You assume two exciting roles at once.
You are a voyeur watching a couple enjoy sex in front of you and you are an exhibitionist having kinky hot sex with an attractive partner.
4. Mirror sex encourages you to try new positions, which is always a good thing.
Let’s face it, even the hottest relationships need a sexual boost from time to time to keep the flame going. Otherwise, things get boring.
By allowing you to see your bodies together, mirror sex can encourage you to experiment and try out new positions. That, in turn, opens your mind to other new possibilities in the romp room.
These new sexual frontiers can help you become a better, more creative lover for your partner, which is always a good thing.
The Kama Sutra – that ancient Indian book on sexuality – shows us that sex is best when it becomes a pursuit of endless variety, after all.
There are hundreds of sex positions for couples. Each of these brings male and female bodies together for mutual pleasure.
“Here’s looking at you, kid!”
Sexual fantasies are for all and sundry – and that includes mirror sex. You don’t have to be a supermodel or a narcissist to enjoy it. True, there are those for whom the fetish is a narcissistic experience. That is, they choose to focus solely on themselves and how fabulous they look.
But for most people, it’s an exciting way to enjoy sex and visual stimulation in real-time. There is something quite exciting about watching and being watched at the same time. You feel like you’ve been cast in a porn flick – and you are the marquee star.
The mirror also keeps you completely in the now. Many aficionados of mirror sex get so lost in the moment that they’re able to stop dwelling on their physical flaws. This allows them the ability to enjoy the sensual show that they’re performing to the fullest.
Do you like watching yourself in the mirror? Has the thought of grabbing your partner and dragging him or her before a mirror for a romp crossed your mind on occasion?
Tell us about your mirror fantasies – or, better yet, your experiences with mirror sex – in the comment section below. We’d love to hear from you.
